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Your Friend In Grief
A safe space for conversations around grief and loss. Bringing these conversations out of the darkness and into the light.
Your Friend In Grief
What If Grief Wasn’t Something To Fix But A Place To Belong
What if grief wasn’t something to fix, but a place to belong? We open the door to a candid, unpolished conversation about loss, love that endures, and the kind of friendship that holds you up when the rest of the world says “move on.” Melinda shares how a grief coaching course—beginning on Mike’s birthday—became a turning point, and Malani reflects on the push into support too soon after losing her son and later her husband. Together we explore why society avoids grief, how language shapes healing, and what it means to be companioned instead of managed.
We talk about saying died instead of passed away, the shock and silence that follow honesty, and the relief that comes from hearing your person’s name spoken out loud. Books and voices that helped—Nora McInerny, Megan Devine, Andrew Garfield, Anderson Cooper, Stephen Colbert—show up as guideposts that gave us words when we had none. We widen the frame to include non‑death grief: job loss, relocation, friendships that fade, identities that shift. The throughline is simple and hard: everything changes, and you deserve a space where that truth is safe.
Our format is intentionally unscripted. We built a random topic wheel inside clear themes so conversations stay alive and real. Expect pets on camera, no mandatory makeup, and plenty of radical candor. Most of all, expect company. If you’re tired of being told to be strong, or if you need a place where your grief can breathe at its own pace, you’re home.
Listen, share with someone who needs it, and help us grow this community. Subscribe for new episodes, send us the topics you want on the wheel, and leave a review to tell us what truth about grief you want the world to hear.
Hi, welcome to Your Friend in Grief, a podcast for anyone learning who they are after loss. I'm Melinda, and I'm so grateful you're here. This podcast is incredibly personal to me. It's not just a labor of love. I feel called to create this and to build this community. Part of my own healing has been learning who I am after loss. An unexpected part of this journey has been having adult female friends outside of my day-to-day job. These friendships started as strangers, learning about one another, and sharing life experiences. My healing led me to a grief coaching course, and I realized, because I realized how little society talks about grief, even though grief touches all of us. The class began on Mike's birthday, which is how I knew that I was in the right place. What I didn't know was that this class would not only help me heal and help me learn how to support others, but that it would introduce me to one of the most incredible humans I've ever met. As we got to know one another, our friendship grew. Today she is my sole sister, my best friend, my fiercest supporter, and the one who calls me out when I need it. And I do. I'm honored to say she's now my podcast co-host, and we've created a space where grief is honored, where healing is not rushed, where your heart is allowed to feel everything it feels. We are walking this path with you through honest conversation, shared stories, and the kind of friendship that holds you up on the days you need it most. Please welcome Milani Jones to your friend in grief.
SPEAKER_01:Hello, friend.
SPEAKER_00:Hello, friend. Welcome. Thank you for that intro. You are very welcome, deserving of all of it. You know, we've talked about doing this for so long, and now it's actually happening. It's it's fantastic. It's so exciting that it's actually happening now.
SPEAKER_01:Can you imagine, like, if somebody said to you five years ago, you're gonna do a podcast about grief and you're gonna be excited about it.
SPEAKER_00:And you're gonna have this amazing friend that you're gonna you're gonna do this with. Like, what? No. How is that even possible? You know, it's it's crazy. Um, but I'm so grateful to have you here and for you to be a part of this now. And um do you want to say a little bit about yourself, introduce yourself and maybe a little bit of your journey? You're gonna put me on the spot, right? Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so um I was on my way to becoming a nationally board certified health and wellness coach. And um, some of the things that we were talking about towards the end of my course was finding a niche. And I automatically, almost automatically gravitated towards becoming a a grief coach, um, having that be my specialty, which is um, you know, kind of a heavy bummer of a topic, right? Yeah. But I really felt it was something that our society needs. Um, I wish it had been something that I had uh when I lost my son in 2006 and when I lost my husband in 2021. Um you know, with it being a heavy topic, I I think it's why is it heavy? It's heavy because it's uncomfortable. Why is it uncomfortable? Maybe because you haven't experienced it yourself, um or you were kind of told that you needed to move on. Right. Right. And so I think there's it's so much more nuanced than that. I mean, loss of your person whoever they are really changes your entire life. It does. Um, and I really wanted to be a part of a space that allows us all to kind of talk about that, come together and talk about our real feelings.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I I feel like I lost Mike in 2020. I feel like in 2020 there's more resources. Uh there's more books, there's more people out there who are talking about grief. And some of them, like we can get into them, but I love there are so many people. I love uh Nora McGearney, I love Megan Devine, I love these women, I think they're incredible and doing amazing things and really speaking their truth. And I think that in 2006, I don't know that there was that kind of openness.
SPEAKER_01:No, you know, we my my son and I, we went to a grief support group. Um and there it was kind of split into different category groups, like kids who had experienced a loss, parents who had lost children, um, and then others who had lost spouses or s and you know, somebody significant to them. Um because everybody feel even though you may have lost the same person, everybody feels the loss differently. Right. Absolutely. Um and we had grief counseling, but and we were kind of like pushed into doing this almost immediately after we lost Evan.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Um which to me felt kind of like I I wasn't really ready to go stand in front of a group and say, My name is Milani Jones, and I lost my 12-year-old son, Evan, right? Right. Um it was highly uncomfortable, but everybody was like, you need to do this. And I listened. And I, you know, sometimes I'd say, would I have been in a better spot if I had waited maybe six months, a year, right, to kind of start having this conversation because I would have had some time to kind of sit with it, to digest it, to kind of feel the change that it had brought on in my life. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:No, I totally and I and I agree with that. I think I started counseling a week after Mike died, a week or two. And I was in a very weird head space. I took three months off work. I um we the house was under contract when he died. So we were I was selling the house, and I still so I had to turn on business mode during the day and get the house together to get everything sold. This is Toby. He's going to be here with us regularly. He's 16 years old, a very old man, and Mike was his person. So he does know when we're talking about Mike. Yeah. Um, but for me, I was still like in business mode. And so I was having to get all these things done for the house and getting the house sold and getting things packed up. And I only was in counseling for a month because every time I spoke to her, she goes, You're doing all the right things. And that was when I was like, why am I paying you? And honestly, I started diving into books, and that's when I found I read all of Nora McGuerney's books. I I want to go back and read them again because I'm a different person than I was five and a half years ago. Yeah. A different lens. And Megan Devine, I even took her writing course where it gives you prompts and you do the writing about it. And I think that was when I realized nobody wants to talk about grief. Everybody thinks that you're stuck in grief if you talk about your person, if you want to talk about your feelings. And I realize, and I think, you know, I think social media has a lot to do with this too, is that everybody likes to behind, be behind the computer and not have their real feelings or not say the things they really want to say. And I think that's part of what's wrong with society right now. But I really felt like people just don't want you to talk about it. They don't want it, they don't want to be uncomfortable. Just like you said, it's the uncomfortableness. And that's why people don't want to talk about it. They are scared of their own mortality, they're scared about losing everybody. But you know what the reality is? Grief is going to touch every, every one of us in so many different ways. We already we lose pets, we lose people, we lose grandparents, we lose parents, right? And it's it's like accepted that you lose. You keep losing people though, right?
SPEAKER_01:Because all loss is we experience some type of grief. So it could be losing a job, losing um, you know, falling out with a friend, losing where you live. Yep. A relocation, something like that. So yes.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And I just think that was probably the biggest thing that irritated me, really, and kind of, you know, where I was kind of like digging my heels in, going, no, I'm not gonna take this. I'm not gonna accept this from people in my life. Like, I am not stuck. Talking about Mike is does not make me stuck. I was married, I was with him for 22 years, and he was there during the most formative years of my life, from when I turned 30 to, you know, 49, 50. And honestly, he impacted my life more than anyone else in his life and in his death. Yes. Because everything changed. And that's why I wanted to kind of start this journey, because I just feel like we don't allow people to feel what they feel when it comes to loss and grief. And I'm glad people like Andrew Garfield and Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert have actually those three guys and the two women I mentioned earlier are like the five people that have actually spoken out about it and actually people are starting to listen, but it's still not enough.
SPEAKER_01:No. You know, the other thing I think part of it too is um because we know grief is so isolating, right? Yep. Uh if you're not actively seeking other grievers, how do how do you know when somebody has experienced a loss? How do you know when somebody is mourning? You know? Um and I think for you and I, that was probably our immediate connection. And I am so thankful to our instructor who paired us together. Yes, because we had to go around in the class and each introduce ourselves and talk about if we had a loss, right? Yep. And I heard you say that you were a widow, and I was like, Yes.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Me too. And my and after I heard you talk, I'm like, please pair me with Milani. Please pair me with Milani. And, you know, shout out to Lisa because she did. Right. Like it, I mean, who knew a grief coach, a grief coaching course, which it's really not grief coaching, it's really companioning. And I love that so much. Yes. Um, but you know, that one moment changed everything.
SPEAKER_01:It really did, because that's that's kind of like that's a magic moment, right? When you see somebody else who has something that you have also lived or experienced, it's like, me too. Me too. You're our can you be my person?
SPEAKER_00:Right. Right. Right. Absolutely. And and I think, you know, one of the things I'm incredibly open about, like, you know, I've met new people with my job and all the different things. And I'm just like, well, my husband died in 2020. And I don't like to say passed away. I feel like that sugarcoats it. Because even like day one, the only person I said Mike passed away to was his mother because I knew what I was what was going to happen. But everybody else, I'm like, Mike died. They're like, what? I'm like, he died. Like, I think I had to convince myself that it wasn't fake. But I'm very open with, hi, how are you? This is where I live. And, you know, when it's at work, it's like, oh, I'm here and it's just me and the cats, but you know. I lost my husband in 2020.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:He he died. And, you know, it's one of those things where I'm very open about that. And I think that that is, I think it's intimidating to a lot of people.
SPEAKER_01:It probably is. It there's probably a little bit of a shock factor as well. You know, when people go like, oh, right. Or like, do you get the oh yes.
SPEAKER_00:Right. That's like the friends thing when it's like the Richard and Monica and he's gotten divorced and they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. It's the head tilt. Right. It's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. And but yes, I think it is that shock factor. And I maybe that's why I do it. Maybe a little piece of me is like, no, I need you to be just as shocked about this that I'm gonna be that open about it. Ooh, there's some real deep honesty. And that might have come out of people close to me not wanting to hear me say the things, and out of the desire and the need for me to be like, my husband died. Because the people closest to me didn't want to hear it. Right. Not all of them. Some of my people have been great. But, you know, this is a whole nother topic of your whole circle changes. Oh my goodness, yes. The people that you leave behind and the new people that come into your life. I mean, it's a completely, and I don't I don't think people really understand that your whole life changes. Like everything. Everything completely changes. And I think that that's just, you know, I think as we get through, we have a lot of things that we're gonna be talking about. We're gonna have, I think this is just we may never have the same amount of time on a podcast. I'm not worried about time. I want the conversation to be organic. And, you know, that kind of talking about us today is I was uh feeling a little pressured to be on camera and not have makeup on and all the things. And you were like, well, wait a minute. I'm like, hey, let's not, let's just do audio today. And you were like, but wait a minute. We want it to be authentic. We want it to be us. This is us. This is us. Some days I don't put makeup on. Most of the days I don't put makeup on. Um, I may put on a couple bracelets that make me feel better about myself or, you know, some jewelry, but it this is just me. And it's a very different person than I was five and a half years ago.
SPEAKER_01:Well, this is this is our authenticity, right? This is this is how you will find us because as we look to create a space for people to come as they are at whatever stage they're at, to be whatever they need to be, to receive whatever they need to receive. Well, to create that space, you and I have to be authentic as well.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we got to walk the walk and talk the talk. And you're right. Absolutely. So here we are, sans makeup and you know, just hanging out. Barely combed hair. Yes. Cats will walk up and down in front of the camera. It's gonna happen. Dogs at some point make them up and down. And this is just who we are. We're being authentic, and that's the kind of space we wanna we wanna bring for everyone. And absolutely. I I think that that's what's gonna make the autist authenticity show through.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. Um, do we wanna let people know a little bit about what our format is gonna be or do we want to surprise people?
SPEAKER_00:No, sure. I think it's kind of I think it's cool. I think it's a very unique idea. And um, you know, we've kind of come together to put together kind of some categories of different pieces of sort of the grief journey and things that, you know, things that are like truths about grief or, you know, the emotional toll it takes on you. Um, but we've we've put all of these um topics because we want to be authentic, we've put all these topics into a random wheel randomizer. And so we, while we may pick our category, the wheel is going to pick the topic and you're gonna get the authentic sort of gut feeling when we hear this phrase or this word, or and we're gonna talk about what it means to each of us because it's different for everyone. And I think that's one of the things we want this safe space. We want it to be reflective that there's no right way to do this.
SPEAKER_01:That's the beauty of it.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh. And I love the idea that we're gonna be surprised as to what we need to talk about. And I think that that's because you and I both know we can talk for hours about anything. Sure. Uh and have and do continually. On a regular basis. Yeah, absolutely. And so I do think that that's gonna add an element of like just authenticity and to kind of mix it up all the time.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. So plus I, you know, I think um just for people to know, we're not scripted. We may or may not follow a format, um, kind of a template of how much time or how we pass stuff back and forth to each other. But um most of all, we want people to feel like we're sitting in our living rooms together, um enjoying a beverage of whatever your choice of beverages. Um and just kind of shooting the shit, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And we that's that's our goal, that's our hope. Um, we want you to send in topics if you want us to add topics to the wheel. We'll add topics to the wheel. Um, we want to do all of those things. And I think kind of as we just kind of close out this intro this introductory uh episode today, I think it's we're on a great path and we're looking forward to being here with you. Um, we appreciate you being here with us today. And if this episode supported you, moved you, or simply made you feel a little less alone, we'd love for you to share it with someone that might need it too. Um you know, you can connect with us on social media, send in your questions or stories, or uh join this growing community of hearts healing together. And so we really appreciate everyone listening and thank you for your time. And uh until next time, be gentle with yourselves and we'll see you soon.
